A Question
by IllogicalIsLogic
Summary: Set very shortly after "The Enterprise Incident" Spock questions himself and his commitment to Starfleet and his own weaknesses. Is he a Vulcan or is he a Human? A self indulgent short story, but one hopefully you'll enjoy.


This is sort of a self indulgent short story because I like getting into the characters heads and trying to figure out what they might have been thinking, but not necessarily adding anything to the Star Trek universe. I hope you enjoy it though.

This is set after the TOS episode, "The Enterprise Incident" in which Spock was distracting and in a sense seducing a Romulan Commander while Kirk stole the Romulan cloaking device disguised as a Romulan.

* * *

"Well, Spock, what do you think?"

Spock turned to look at his Captain impassivley. The Romulan ears Kirk had worn earlier where gone as were the eyebrows.

A definite improvement in Spock's opinion.

"An improvment certainly, Captain. Humans should never attempt to appear as Romulans. It ends most unpleasantly aesthetically." Spock responded.

Kirk hesitated a moment before saying rather slowly, "Thanks...Mr. Spock. Any activity?"

Spock moved aside to allow Kirk to seat himself in the Captain's chair. "None, sir."

Kirk nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Spock. Thank you also back there. Your technique was perfect handling those Romulans, especially that Commander."

"Thank you, Captain." Spock's face remained impassive, but as the Captain turned his mind to other matters Spock let his mind run rampant.

Had he? Had he indeed been acting? For a moment, no more then a moment in the Commander's quarters he had been tempted by, by what? The Commander certainly, but also the idea of serving with a race closer to him then any other and, help him, the idea of control of the Enterprise.

Spock tried to break the flood of doubts, but they cpntinued to crash down on him like a rainfall.

To live in a society so far, but in truth much closer to his own then the human's had been very tempting.

Had been.

He had not lied about his loyalty to Starfleet and his dedication to his Captain, but yet for a moment back there the Commander's hand on his cheek had pulled him more then he wanted to admit to himself.

And there was the betrayal of himself, of his ancestry as a Vulcan.

Most of his words to her had been carefully worded to not be lies, but Spock knew they had been lies all the same. His admittance about the Vulcan Death Grip had been a complete lie and one that had burned on his tongue to speak.

Would his father have done the same in his situation? Would he have spoken a lie? No, he knew the answer. His father would never, could never speak a lie, not even if it meant his death.

But Spock had an exscuse, he always had an exscuse: He was half human. He could forgive himself for the lie, could forgive himself for perhaps letting his hand linger on the Commander's a little longer then was most likely neccessary, could forgive himself the brief flare of desire to command the Enterprise.

In the end perhaps he had merely accepted this excercise to prove to himself he was beyond temptation, that he was indeed Vulcan and he had failed. Failed this test of himself and proved to himself that maybe he was more human then he thought.

But perhaps...

"Mr. Spock?" The Captain's voice startled him out of his revery.

"I am sorry, Captain?"

"I was saying Mr. Spock that I thought your commitment back there was commendable. If you had refused to lie back there it would have meant all our deaths and I want you to know I...appreciate how hard it was for you back there and I want to...thank you."

Spock inclined his head. "It was the only...logical conclusion I could come up with, Captain. But I thank you, Captain for you concern."

The Captain smiled that slow smile and nodded. "You know Spock, for a second you had me worried. I thought, silly of me of course, but I thought for a second there you might actually abandon Starfleet to join that Commandor. Silly of me."

Spock raised and eyebrow and with the ease born of being half human lied through his teeth and answered, "Indeed Captain. Quite 'silly'."

The Captain laughed and turned away to check the ship instruments and Spock returned to his last musing to find an idea falling neatly into place: Perhaps, just _perhaps_ being half human was not as bad as he had thought.

Perhaps sometimes it might even sometimes be considered good.

And that, Spock suddenly knew as soon as he said the words to himself, was not a lie.


End file.
